A Bold Beginning

[MoustachioedDictator]

After millenia of nomadic moustache grooming, our noble people have settled down to raise little moustachioed children and build temples to the magnificent moustache that their leader jauntily sports atop his mighty lip.

We survey our souroundings and find them.... green, very very green, with a dash of blue. Landscape artists have called for more interesting landscapes.

On the military front, the crack 1st Blunt Instrument Division strikes north and finds yet more green, but also, more blue.

Several troops attempted to drink the liquid, and found their thirst was not slacked. Their brilliant general shrewdly surmised it was therefore a simple wizards illusion to protect his treasure and ordered the men forward.

The survivors are expected to turn south tomorrow.

[Habrak Salabalbak]

We have found a small village to our north filled with infidel. Our holy warriors are extremely very close now and should reach them in about 50 years. We hope to find that their women are flayed weekly and wrapped in heavy bandages as custom dictates or we shall be forced to burn the village down and gouge out the eyeballs of every third infant in the spirit of friendship.

[MoustachioedDictator]

After much consultation with the wisest of known men, our empire, mightest of the known world, has declared war on the black cloud that surrounds the known world. We concede the black cloud controls the the unknown world, but our wisemen reckon the rest of world is pretty crap and moustache-less.

So far the campaign goes well, with the cloud retreating in the face of our fearless warrior's blitzkreig. We advance at a rate of one "square" every 50 years making it the fastest military advance in our nations history. Our most famous moustache wielding scholar (pictured below) is studying ways to divide time into smaller bits. But nobody understands a word he says.

[Habrak Salabalbak]

Hmm. We too have encountered the Black Cloud, however the cowardly cloud runs from us at every turn. We also discovered small Juicy Testicle Trees to our north. One day we shall unlock the secret of these JTT's

[Habrak Salabalbak]

Our warriors have discovered some stray kitties near the north eastern boundaries of our sweet isle. We will go and stroke their lovely fur in about 25 years or so.

[MoustachioedDictator]

An otherwise pointless looking peninsula to our south has revealed a quaint village. Upon arrival we were greeted by 6 burly men with clubs. We expect that they'll be shy at first, but soon they will be giving us gifts and what not.

Also, across the straight of salty liquid there's an odd purple haze. Our empires most loved moustachioed crooner is composing a song about it. He's pictured below.



Some people (mostly hicks and bumpkins) believe the purple haze is a sign of other intelligent life on our planet, more rational people think this unlikely.

[Habrak Salabalbak]

We have discovered the amazing secret of smashing up rocks to make more, smaller rocks. Now we have many more rocks. We hope to plant them in the Mother Earth and watch them grow to be large rocks, so we can smash them to make small rocks which we can plant and watch them grow to be big rocks. Soon we will honour the rocks by naming a new settlement after rocks. We are still baffled as to how to attach moss to them when pushed downhill.

[Rhodesian Democracy]

A new day dawns in the History of the Great Mustachioed Nation. The power vacuum created by the withdawal of the Dictator from daily politics has been filled by a charismatic young leader.

[Habrak Salabalbak]

Our wise builders have completed the Oracle, yet still the origin of moustaches eludes us.

[Rhodesian Democracy]

Yes our scholars have been aware of this for some years.

However who needs an Oracle when you've got a ready supply of tea leaves and cups.